where there's smoke...

Smokers fascinate me! Everytime I see one I always wonder how they started/why they started. Sheer curiosity? Resorted to them during stressful situations? The ever popular "look cool" reason? Or maybe they are like one of my best friends who started smoking cigarettes to wean off weed.

I always wonder how they can spend so much money on carton after carton or how they survive during continental flights (seriously, 12 hours on Air France and my fellow (French) passengers are going to listen to the "no smoking in the bathrooms" rule? Oh please.) And what's up with the constant spitting? Ugh!

One thing that I do like about them is their sense of community and solidarity. No matter how hard up for cash they are and they're down to their last 2 cigs, they are still happy to oblige when someone bums a smoke. Camaraderie! Because when you bum off some total stranger later on you are guaranteed one.

Sometimes I wish I was a smoker for that sense of camaraderie. They are the "bad" ones who rebelled and are now addicts. There are commercials about them, the doomed. There are signs prohibiting them from doing what they love at certain places and having to submit to their cravings in designated areas. Negative stigma all around. Society bands against them. They are the "others". So they stick together! United! Leaving me sometimes wanting to be part of their unspoken secret societies! Be like Rachel from Friends who started smoking on the roof with her co-workers to get in on the "good" conversations and become buddy-buddy with her boss!

I'm at the laundrymat a few weeks ago. Everytime I go I always wonder if there will be some cute guy there and we'd strike up a conversation just like in the movies then we'd exchange numbers, meet for a drink - typical PG-13 shit. Lo and behold, sitting at one of the tables waiting for the spin cycle is this cute guy. Target locked. I'm thinking once I load my machine we'll end up talking some way or another. He goes outside to his car then stands out there for a bit. When I peek out the window to see where he is I see him light up. Oh great, a smoker. It's an automatic response (but realize alot of my friends and some (many lately) guys I'm attracted to happen to be smokers). If I were a smoker a perfect segue would be for me to go out there, bum a smoke, and conversation would naturally ensue. But I'm not, so it didn't. You know what did happen, though? Cute-girl-X goes outside, bums a smoke, and starts talking/flirting with him! That bitch! That white cigarette was her flag and planted it right in him. Claimed him! Of course! 20 minutes later she walks back in with a piece of paper and his digits, and so did he with hers. Of course!

Or how about the time I hung out with some guy and his friends whilst they were house-sitting. Every few minutes or so they would all get up, go outside, and stand/sit in a circle to smoke. Nothing much was said. They just smoked. This went on like clockwork and everytime I would just sit there playing with a leaf. It was either that or sit in the house alone. The situation was quite comical. Just picture this mini herd of smokers and the lone Liza trying to make conversation amongst strangers who hid behind their smoker walls. Awkward turtle moment if I ever saw one!

Maybe that is how many people start smoking - to fill the void of feeling left out. Seriously, where there are smokers there's company. If I smoked I'm sure I'd see my neighbours more often because the only times I see them is when they are out on their porch smoking or on the sidewalk smoking in their little old man posse. Same at shows. Alot of my friends spend half of their time outside smoking and hanging out with other friends who smoke.

Meh, not my cup of tea, though. Really, can you picture me constantly spitting? Seriously, the spitting...ugh! I'm a lady, dammit! I'll just pretend to smoke carrot sticks and incite conversation that way. Or carry around a Tankbook. Books that come in cig packs are pretty neat conversation pieces.
"Hey, can I bum a smoke?"
"Oh, sorry, this is actually Kafka..."
"Really? No kidding, eh?"
"Yeah. Weird, you'd have to wonder what Kafka would think of his work being put into a box that normally contains stuff that people buy to increase the chance of them slowly killing themselves..."

And that could spiral into a whole interesting thing... or transform into an awkward turtle.