a perfect stand still

i wish i could just write again - just unclog my writer's block and write. something beautiful and painful. i want to document now and many steps back and all my steps forward. but i got nothing but stopping to smile at how utterly wonderful and bloody and raw and true this is. and not even truly true because there is still so much more we hold under sleeves. they don't get it and i don't always get it either. but i do and it just is. and it could be more but not now. this is fine for now. because we know without saying. and we dance around it but we still dance. hidden in our little world of combinations. hearts are plump and whole. enveloped in beams. in our hands. we're done and undone. if you're wondering

publish my love

"Sailor?"
"Uh huh?"
"Recall the time we was sittin' one night behind the Confederate soldier? Leaning against it. And you took my hand and put it on your heart and you said, 'You feel it beatin' in there Lula get used to it 'cause it belongs to you now.' D'you recall that?"
"I do."

Lula put her head down in Sailor's lap and he stroked her smooth black hair.

"I was hopin' you would. I know that night by heart. Sometimes, honey? I think it's the best night of my life. Really."

(from Barry Gifford's "Wild At Heart")
____




"i love u but can only give u words"

ne touche pas

hold me

hold me



photo courtesy of emilie bjork
courtesy of a cup of jo

Let the Social Networking Wars Begin!

Oh yes....this is too rich!

Love It or Hate It?

I don't know, man! It just doesn't feel right!

And Lori Loughlin? And "Lucile Bluth!?"

i'm going to be an aunt!

Ok, so not by blood but more like childhood BFF blood, naw' mean? Recently found out that a childhood friend has a bun in the oven and it has hit me that we are getting older and now have friends who are starting to bake their buns in their ovens...or something.

It was a shock, natch, but it is kind of exciting now. I will be honest, it was so weird touching Danielle's belly. She is 4 months along and I felt around her underbelly...oh lord...i felt it...like REALLY felt the baby! Kind of disgusting and awesome at the same time.

We met up with her yesterday and caught up after years of estrangement. Photo op galore! Baby Dorian James...your Aunt Liza and Aunt Z are kooks. We may be weirded out by you at first but we still love you.

First photos of Dorian. Supposedly that glowing speck in the bottom left photo is his peen...

Yeah, it has a spine. Pretty crazy! Aunt Liza wants that top one in wallet size

Reunited and it feels so good

Danielle says baby D is a kicker. I really wanted him to kick my ear.

We're having a baby!
When I was younger I would put my cat in my shirt and pretend I was 'carrying' a cat. It would squirm and I would think that is how it feels to be preggers...except I could lift up my shirt and make the squirming go away. Danielle has to deal with squirming for 9 months.

Just so that we are clear on the positioning of the child...

Pants Party!

This video is pretty riddick! Could be a jean ad stunt but I love it regardless!

mama gorbel done tol' you

ride in peace

I got a bike! I finally did it! I've been super addicted to riding even though I haven't been on a bike in so long. I woke up super early this weekend just to go for a ride while there were minimal cars on the road and through the prettier neighbourhoods in the area. Checking out the pretty little houses is always fun, especially when you can stop and gawk for a bit and easily stop to smell the roses, literally.

After that I headed over to the Hollywood Forever cemetery since it is right by my apartment. It was finally open at 7ish so I rode in. It was nice and quiet. I got to say hello to the peacocks and the ducks...and the headstones of those who died in the early 1900's. They were all the way in the back, dilapidated and small. Oddly enough, the girl who is afraid of death enjoyed being around the graveyard and saying hello to headstones, wondering how the young ones died, telling this one and that one that I admire their name.

I wish I took pictures but none from that ride.

Rode to work today for the first time. It was kind of scary but fine minus the angry homeless man who blocked my way on the sidewalk and proceeded to yell at me in front of Kings Road Cafe right in front of the breakfasters. Then he threw his cigarette at me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't say anything bc he was close to pushing me. I just rode off and slinked away into a a little neighbourhood, in shock for a bit. I almost started to cry but stopped myself. He could've done worse and I'm sure I will encounter worse since LA drivers aren't too fond of bike riders...nor are some of the pedestrians. Lame.

hehehehe

veronicaaaaa!

How AMAZING does Kristen Bell look in this Vanity Fair photo? Ahhh! She is just one of my favourite people (yes, I'm a Veronica Mars geek and I ain't ashamed of that). Cezie, if you're seeing this, drool with me! Oh to have those photoshopped legs...but you know, something comparable.

I ran into her at Bossa Nova on Sunset once and practically died but had to play it cool. And to top it off, she was with "Dick Casablancas" (fellow VMer). Now if I can only run into "Logan Echolls"...

noses in books

So I started a new project. I've been really into the blog called People Reading and wanted to create a sister site. Sonya, of People Reading, gave me her blessing and even encouraged it so I bring you Noses In Books. While People Reading is San Francisco based, I've decided to explore literary Los Angeles. Check it out. I hope to hunt for more interviewees today and get more content.

Enjoy!

The Good and The Bad

My boss had blogged about watching a Diane Sawyer interview he watched on Dr. Pausch, a 47 year old Carnegie Mellon professor who is dying of Pancreatic cancer. In the interview, Dr. Pausch is shown tucking his kids into bed and each night he asks them what the best thing about their day was and the worst.

I don't know many people who, at the end of their day, reflect on how their day went. I was, however, reminded of when I would go over the "mitzvah" I did that day before I went to bed and sometimes would talk about it on the phone with my sister during afternoon talks. A mitzvah, by the way, is "a good deed" in Hebrew. And no, I am NOT Jewish, just a pretend one.

Anyway, I guess that is similar to the "best and worst" nightly reflection. So, what was the best thing about my day today? Hmmm that is a tough one. I mean, my day went rather smoothly, I lunched with one of my favourite former co-workers...but I think the thing I would nominate is that I had an amazing 1-on-1 meeting with my boss. We have these bi-weekly sit downs and I do remember walking out of his office smiling because it was a good talk, very inspiring, got me excited about things again!

The worst? Hmmmm another tough one. I didn't have a shitty day, really. If I had to choose...I get really hard on myself about not being able to "do" alot of things or I do something but then I should've carried it out a step or two further. It's a very defeating feeling, the "Damn, I should've done that! Why didn't I think of that first? I thought of that but why didn't I go through with it??" I had a few moments of that today. So I guess that was a "worst". That and still having this cold/cough. I just want it to be over!

What was your best and worst today?

sickbed

I don't have a thermometer so the next best thing was the food thermometer in the kitchen drawer. Picture me clutching that thing trying to figure out how hot I was. I was breaking 100. PTFO'd after that.

Flu hallucinations are always fun. During that first night of high temperatures I was accompanied by 10 fever fairies. Each swore they would jump off my island bed (and lower my temperature) after each performed a task and I would have to help. I kept saying (outloud) and arguing that all i wanted to do was sleep, that I needed them to just go away. They performed their task and hour after hour each left me. I would wake up and my fever would be slightly lower and I felt closer to being "alone". Finally, one fever fairy was left and I just didn't have the strength to deal with it. It kept making be tie some knots or stitch some badge. I wasn't having it. I told it to do it for me. After seeing I'd given up, final fever fairy finished the task and left. I was alone in bed, temperature lower, sweating, weak, thirsty, and hungry.

That was a pretty intense night. Fever fairies...for real.

New Mates of State video

This video brings me joy (and kind of disturbs me) in my flu-infected state. And it's called, "Get Better" so I will take that personally!

Mags' cameo is too cute.

I need a furry animal mask/costume...that isn't my Tigger costume. I'd like to be a bunny.

Mates of State - "Get Better"

random run-in: animal edition

Soooooo yeah. I'm walking next door to Vegan Express for lunch today and hear some random noises. My co-worker thinks it's a baby and I thought it was just a random weed whacker in the distance. But lo and behold the sounds came from a GOAT IN THE BACKSEAT OF A KIA PARKED IN THE LOT!!!! I noticed random movement so I was compelled to run over to check it out, obvs.

A goat

A goat in the backseat of a random sedan. It...it made my freakin' day! This is totally better than Madame Poulet, although she was "ours". (R.I.P)

Turns out Billy the Kid is the pet of a couple dining in Vegan Express' patio.

Seriously...MADE MY DAY!

random run-in

A friend of mine was in town last week to celebrate his birthday. He had left LA for a few years now so it was also a reunion/gathering of sorts. The event went down at the pirate bar Downtown (The Redwood) so that was an added bonus since I'd been meaning to check it out. I had heard so much about it and had envisioned it to be this setting where I walk in and there is some enclosed body of water and I have to walk up a plank to get to the actual pirate boat bar! Alas, it was nothing like what I had dreamed it would be but it was fun nonetheless. Still, I think my idea is pretty sweet.

The birthday boy is a manager and I had known he managed an acapella group but never knew much about it. Night goes on and I meet the different members of the group (George and Paul mainly) and I kept hearing about a Phil and a Sam. Heard they were on Scrubs but still didn't think much of it. They were going to sing Happy Birthday acapella so I was excited. "Phil is on his way but Sam is here". I look over and see Sam at the bar and the guys call him over so that I could meet him. Turns out Sam is "Ted" from Scrubs! I watch Scrubs but not enough to be super familiar with the ins and outs but I knew who Ted was and it all made sense. The Acapella group is that same one on the show! "Ted's Band" (or The Blanks in real life). So weird but so cool!

(The Blanks serenade Sloaty-pie)

(Paul, Sam, and I)

(Adam Sloat and I)

Book Club!

Lordy lordy! In the midst of bitching about what I feel are the horribly forced metaphors and wishy-washy plot, et. al in the current book I'm reading (Bel Canto by Ann Patchett) for a Book Club I'm thinking of partaking in me and the guys have decided to start our own Book Club! I mean, we were already discussing Edith Wharton (my love, one of his "dislikes") and how Giovanni's room (James Baldwin) is making one of them want to slit their wrists in a good way after I suggested he read one of my all time faves of mine so it was only natural to start our own little Book Club Coalition of sorts. Bryan, Paul, Christopher, and I. It's going to be interesting, heavy @ times, and nothing less of awesome!

Kick off meeting on Saturday during brunch! We decide what book numero uno will be. Yip!

20? Really?

20

Randomness that I found on Big Action!

1,2,3,4

So I will be honest. I don't know what to do with babies. I am not really a baby person. I don't fawn over them. I see that your baby is cute but don't ask me to hold them. I am afraid to hold them! It is just too much responsibility. Don't entrust me to babysit your offspring. I am far from the whole mothering thing. And baby videos. I don't get them! They plague America's Funniest Videos and YouTube and I just don't get how they are watched and loved by millions and millions of viewers! Simple videos of laughing babies are HITS but I still don't get why. However, I can't stop falling in love with this video of Mags (Mates of State offspring) doing her rendition of Feist's "1,2,3,4" (and notes that Feist doesn't count right, not in video but blogged about on her mommy's blog). It's a cute video. It doesn't weird me out. It wins in my book!